Office Commandments

1) If you work in a cube farm of any size, thou shalt respect thy neighbors. This can't be emphasized enough. That means that is you are going to carry on a long phone conversation or conference call, you will do your best to find a conference room to make that call. If you can't physically remove yourself from the space you are occupying with your co-workers, please lower your voice. The whole office does not want to participate on all your calls. Respect doesn't end at calls, but we'll start there.

2) Thou shalt not bring all thine candy to work to unload it on thy co-workers. It's nice to bring a treat once in a while, but please don't just unload all of your old candy and junk on the office. We can't help but eat it so you are making us fatter. Please just toss it out.

3) If thou buildest an office space, thou shalt not make thine employees have to go through security and/or make them check out a key (like a hall pass) to use the bathroom. If a key is necessary, thou shalt give a key to all thine employees, not just management. Everyone needs to use the restroom during the day and you shouldn't make your workers feel bad for having to go. Unless you provide adult diapers so they don't have to miss work - in that case it's cool.

4) Thou shalt not overly use jargon of any sort. I am done touching bases because we are not playing baseball. No, I don't know what kind of bandwidth I will have tomorrow because I am not a telecommunications mediem. And I am not going to acknowledge that you are going to be "heads down" for the whole day unless we are playing heads up 7-up at work, in which case I'm totally in.

5) Thou shalt wash thy hands before leaving the bathroom. This sounds like it wouldn't be necessary, but I just saw a guy enter the bathroom, wash his hands, then pee, then leave. Um do you want to try that in the right order fella? I have also seen guys go #2 and then leave without a washing. Not acceptable. Always wash before leaving the bano.

That's all I'm sayin'